Favorite Comedy Quotes
The woods is no place for a bear!Boog
Ah, ah, ah! Nobody says the "B" word!Beetlejuice
Matheson: You know you gonna die, right?
Matheson: I'm gonna kill the fuck out of you! I hope you enjoy these last seventeen minutes of your life.
Walter: What do you want? Some money?
Buddy: No! I just wanted to meet you and thought maybe you might want to meet me.
Walter: Who wouldn't wanna meet you?
I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.Van Wilder
Mrs. Murphy: We got two honkies out there, dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants.
Matt Murphy: Say what?
Mrs. Murphy: They look like they're from the CIA, or somethin'.
Matt Murphy: What they want to eat?
Mrs. Murphy: The tall one wants white toast, dry, with nothin' on it.
Matt Murphy: Elwood.
Mrs. Murphy: And the short one wants four whole fried chickens, and a Coke.
Matt Murphy: And Jake. Shit, the Blues Brothers.
Pat Healy: What, you think yer shit don't stink?
Ted: No, I don't think, I mean, yes it does, no I don't...
Amelia Earhart: I take it you have a plan?
Larry Daley: I'm going to divide the house.
Special Olympics Athlete: You're a faker.
Thomas: A mother-faker!
Steve Barker: Jeffy doesn't understand! Jeffy cocoa for cuckoo pops, uhh... Jeffy...
Special Olympics Athlete: Shut up you stupid a-s-s!
Jack Wyatt: [takes a drink of something Uncle Arthur has just made in the blender] This tastes awful!
Uncle Arthur: I know. I just like to blend.
Rufus: We were sent by Him who is called I Am!
Cardinal Glick: Cute. Really cute. Now come on, kids, playtime with the Cardinal is over.
Rufus: Worked for Moses.
Vicki St. Elmo: "If you're the one they want to come after why can't you be dressed like you?"
MacGruber: "Because. You are."