Statler: I always dreamed we'd be back here.
Waldorf: Dreams? Those where nightmares!

You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine.

Marion Wormer

Diane: Did you have fun tonight honey?
Mini: What? My first night turning tricks? Could have been better.
Diane: That's nice.

Charles: We were buying her a wedding dress.
David: Pathetic excuse. Who's she marrying?
Charles: Some total penis.
David: What is it about penises that they get such great wives?

Pardon my French!

Earl Bassett

The castle beckons, I think Tom.


The misery! The exquisite tragedy! The Susan Hayward of it all!

George Downes

Costa: We'll have a whole day to fix this place up like new.
Thomas: What about this? (points to the camera) What if my parents see it?
Costa: Nobody's going to see this but us, I promise.
Jimmy Kimmel (on his show): So you know, this high school party in Pasadena -- have you seen the footage?

Dean Vernon Wormer: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages in fraternities on probation!
Otter: What a tool.
Dean Vernon Wormer: I didn't get that, son, what was that?
Otter: Uh, I said, "What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules."
Dean Vernon Wormer: Put a sock in it, boy, or else you'll be outta here like shit through a goose.

The store was closed, but the salesman said he could wait if we hurry. But we were delayed en route when a stingray in front of us killed a pedestrian.

Raoul Duke

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe!
Yuri: But we have matches in Asia.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: All right. Do not leave Europe or Asia!
Yuri: And we also have a match in Brazil.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe, Asia, or the Americas!

You're gonna listen to me? To something I said? Hasn't it become abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?


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