Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg?
Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so.
Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not.

Diane: Did you have fun tonight honey?
Mini: What? My first night turning tricks? Could have been better.
Diane: That's nice.

Also that mix CD...uh that I left on your doorstep was the last one that I'll be making for you. More or less...


Chip Douglas: Here is a comment card. Please mail it in when I am done.
Steven Kovacs: Does this go to your boss?
Chip Douglas: No it goes to me, I'm sort of a perfectionis... perfectionis... t.

Charles: We were buying her a wedding dress.
David: Pathetic excuse. Who's she marrying?
Charles: Some total penis.
David: What is it about penises that they get such great wives?

You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine.

Marion Wormer

Pardon my French!

Earl Bassett

The castle beckons, I think Tom.


The misery! The exquisite tragedy! The Susan Hayward of it all!

George Downes

Dean Vernon Wormer: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages in fraternities on probation!
Otter: What a tool.
Dean Vernon Wormer: I didn't get that, son, what was that?
Otter: Uh, I said, "What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules."
Dean Vernon Wormer: Put a sock in it, boy, or else you'll be outta here like shit through a goose.

The store was closed, but the salesman said he could wait if we hurry. But we were delayed en route when a stingray in front of us killed a pedestrian.

Raoul Duke

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe!
Yuri: But we have matches in Asia.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: All right. Do not leave Europe or Asia!
Yuri: And we also have a match in Brazil.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe, Asia, or the Americas!

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