Favorite Comedy Quotes
Keep Patty away from Larry - suck the intelligence right out of her.Gil
SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!Detective John Kimble
If you want to pick a fight with your sexual chi, it's just going to drive it inwards - and that invites disease, and death.Seth
Your wedding better watch it!Liv
So... you guys wanna make out or what?Doug Butabi
Gary: I'm the one who should be sorry, Brooke. I shouldn't sit here and pick on your art, because you've got the 'nuts' down, Picasso! All you have to do is cut off your frigging ear.
Brooke: That's Van Gogh, you idiot. Your insults are much more effective when they're accurate.
Vaughn Haige: There are 3 moments I'll remember 'til the day I die. 1: the look on my father's face when I graduated from Harvard law school. 2: Helping a beached mother whale give birth. And... 3: You and me, together, here, tonight.
Shapely Bartender: Don't speak to me again... ever.
Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: [an old woman approaches them] And this must be your mother.
Rob Hilliard: My wife.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: I'm sorry!
Rob Hilliard: I'm not.
[kisses his wife]
Marcus Higgins: [onlooking] Oh, grody.
That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.Cher
How many of you have self-help books? Okay, that's your first problem. You can't help yourself, because your *self* sucks!Dr. P
Oh, oh check my pulse on this one, Jack. Do I think you're a psycho? Yes.Greg Focker