Favorite Comedy Quotes
[to Rosemary] We both have dead people in our families.Max Fischer
[to Max] I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I threw rocks at you that day.Dirk Calloway
Kids don't like it when their parents get divorced.Herman Blume
[to Max] She's in love with a dead guy anyway.Herman Blume
Rosemary Cross: That's none of your business.
Max Fischer: I know it's not, but I just got hit my a car and I'm feeling a little confused.
Rosemary Cross: I'll show you the door.
Max Fischer: I'll just go back out the window.
Dr. Peter Flynn: I didn't know we were going to dinner.
Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.
[to Rosemary] I'm sorry, I just came by to thank you for WRECKING MY LIFE!Max Fischer
112 pounds. Black hair. Glasses... Oval face.Herman Blume
[to Herman] Are you fond of that moustache?Bert Fischer
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.
Max Fischer: And what does that entail?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.
Max Fischer: In other words, I'll be expelled.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: That's correct.
Max Fischer: Can I see some documentation on that, please?
[Guggenheim hands him his transcript]
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying
Max Fischer: Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We don't offer a post-graduate year.
Max Fischer: Well, we don't offer it yet.
Max Fischer: Your mind's as warped as your ear, Magnus.
Magnus Buchan: Don't Get Nasty, Brother.