Mac: Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had.
Captain O'Hagan: If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now.
Mac: Smothered me in gravy you big dirty man.

Kyle: You have cancer?
Adam: They found it yesterday.
Kyle: They found it yesterday? Who found it?
Adam: My cleaning lady found it in the back of my jeans. Who do you think found it?

Steve's got the eye of the Jew.

Todd Wolfhouse

The post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.

Harry Doyle

Artie, Lin is not a killer. She's just a really, really, really hot, confused, Chinese girl.

Roy

Josh: You know maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause, make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is...
Cher: Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy, and as soon I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance.
Josh: Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock.
Cher: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

Lydia: Those three idiots crashed the party!
Mac: Who? The Kardashian girls?

It's gonna take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parents' house.

Tripp

Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

Derek Zoolander

Leopard Seal: Come here, sausage. I take you with ketchup!
Ramón: Yeah, but first you gotta catch up!

[in the middle of a class lecture] Rock stars have kidnapped my son!

Elaine Miller

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