Old people can be so sweet!


License and registration... chicken fucker.


Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.


Jane: I never do anything like this.
Kevin: I know.
Jane: You do?
Kevin: Yes, you kept repeating that over and over last night - I never do anything like this... I NEVER do anything like this... I never do ANYTHING like this...

I'm a virgin. I always have been.

Andy Stitzer

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don't wear them.

Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.

Dionne and I were both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials.


Zooey, you're about to marry a pleasure giver that's for sure.


Dr. Patel: I will not tolerate this business from you any longer. You have one more interview tomorrow morning, and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you are anything short of spectacular, I'll completely cut you off.
Kumar: Dad, come on.
Dr. Patel: Daddy is not coming on anything!

Kelly Robinson: Hey, what's this? It looks like a sock.
Alexander Scott: It's a secret spy mask.
[Kelly puts it on]
Kelly Robinson: Hey man, this is a sock!

Marlin: Tell me, Dory, do you see anything?
Dory: Yeah, I see a light.
Marlin: A light?
Dory: Yeah. I see a light.
Marlin: Yeah, I see it too.
Dory: Hey conscience, am I dead?
Marlin: No, no. I see it, too.

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