I think she wants me to rub olive oil on your taint.

Kate Holbrook

You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox!

Phil Weston

Prince Edward: I seek a beautiful girl.
Construction Worker: I... I'd like to find one of them too, y'know?

A black man would rather miss than look bad.

Billy Hoyle

Steven: Can I get a knife or fork?
Wench: There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there are no utensils AT Medieval Times. Would you like a refill on that Pepsi?
Steven: There were no utensils but there was Pepsi?
Wench: Dude, I got a lot of tables.

Cody Maverick: [he and Big Z are hanging upside down] When do we begin training?
Big Z: What does it look like we're doing?
Cody Maverick: It looks like we're acting like a couple of fools.
Big Z: See? You're learning.

Jay: So what's up? You got a friend for Silent Bob, or are you just gonna do us both? If so, I'm first. I hate sloppy seconds.
Bethany: You're a man of principle.

I don't have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith's legs.


Flight attendant: OH GOD! Ugh! I can't believe you fell for that crap! That's from 'Pretty In Pink!'
Janey: Are you sure?
Flight attendant: Trust me!
Jake: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Flight attendant: Let me give you a little piece of advice here, Jake. Why don't you lose the "I'm the cute and sensitive, popular boy with the big side-burns routine. It's just too pathetic! And for once tell Janey what's true in your heart. Stop being such a little bitch! And you Janey! Little miss other-side-of-the-tracks awkward rebel girl with the pseudo-intellectual glasses, why don't you wise-up to Jake's bullshit! Stop being such a dumbass!

Hey, you guys!


Oh, you are the loveliest girls that ever I set eyes on. Can you not get them married, Mrs. Dashwood?

Mrs Jennings

A million girls would kill for this job.


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