Favorite Comedy Quotes
Henry Sherman: How much is he paying you?
Pagoda: I don't know what you're talking about.
[after learning from an investigator that Margot had been previously married and has had affairs with both men and women] So, she smokes.Raleigh
I didn't think so much of him at first. But now I get it, he's everything that I'm not.Royal
Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah, right after I regained consciousness.
Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.Royal
[Telling everybody that Royal doesn't have cancer] I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it, and you don't eat three cheeseburgers a day with french fries when you got it.Henry Sherman
Chas: Are you okay?
Royal: Fuck do you care?
[after he faked a terminal illness, took residence in the house under false pretenses, tried to instigate a fight with his estranged wife's fiancÃ©, lied to his family and was found out] I know I'm going to be the bad guy here...Royal
Steve Zissou: We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.
Klaus Daimler: Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.
Festival Director: [translating] That's an endangered species at most. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?
Steve Zissou: Revenge.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.Steve Zissou
I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet. Possibly with dynamite.Steve Zissou