Jenny Johnson: [after breaking the bed while having sex] I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one.
Matt Saunders: A bed or a penis?
Jenny Johnson: Both.

Stan: Listen Mr. homeless man, if you don't wanna buy us the tickets and not get your ten bucks and not buy yourself a bottle of vodka, then be my guest.
Homeless man: Six tickets please!

Colonel Sandurz: Sir, do you think we're being too literal?
Dark Helmet: No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.

Karate Guy in Porno: Oooh, excellent, grasshopper. And now for your final task of your training.
Danielle: You're gonna need a harder piece of wood that that, cowboy.
Matthew: That's not her.
Eli: Yeah, it is.
Matthew: Oh, no.

Earl Bassett: Stupid son-of-a-bitch, knocked itself cold!
Valentine McKee: Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! Fuck you!

Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse.


Templeton: You're a pig! Pig equals slop. The rat is happy!
Wilbur: My name's Wilbur! Do you have a name or is it just 'The Rat'?
Templeton: Did you say 'just the rat'? For your information, pig: The rat rules! We were here long before your kind and we'll be here long after. So, you just keep that in mind next time you feel like reducing me to just 'the rat'.
Wilbur: You called yourself 'The Rat'.
Templeton: I can call me that. You can't.

Ulysses Everett McGill: Ain't you gonna introduce us, Pete?
Pete: I don't know their names. I seen 'em first!

Karen: I happen to LIKE the roller coaster, okay? As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother is brilliant.
Gil: Yeah if she's so brilliant why is she sitting in our NEIGHBOR'S CAR?

Dusty Bottoms: Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.
Carmen: And that you have done, now what?
Dusty Bottoms: Well we really dont have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The day before the murder, you were seen hitting the victim and saying... what?
Ponton: 'I am going to kill you, I am going to kill you'

Look at this, okay? I want you to remember this face. This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.


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