Favorite Comedy Quotes
[aboard Mega-Maid] Thank you for pressing the self destruct button.Self-Destruct Voice
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
Wayne Davidson: My name's Wayne by the way. I'm a nudist.
George: Oh yes, we noticed your penis earlier.
JB: What's it gonna be Kyle? You have to decide... Tits... or Destiny.
KG: [Lifting up his shirt] Tits.
Alex Foreman: [laughs while kissing Carter]
Carter Duryea: What?
Alex Foreman: Oh, nothing, I was just thinking about how my dad said he wired this place with video surveillance.
Carter Duryea: Yeah, that's hilarious.
Doug Butabi: Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Doug Butabi: 'Cause I can see myself in your pants!
What are you telling me, that you're, you're, you're gonna leave Emily, is this true? And, and run away with the, the, the winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald emotional maturity award?Isaac Davis
Royal: Are you trying to steal my woman?
Henry Sherman: I beg your pardon.
Royal: You heard me, Coltrane.
Henry Sherman: Coltrane?
Henry Sherman: Did you just call me Coltrane?
Henry Sherman: You didn't?
Henry Sherman: Okay...
Pitka: I would like to thank the academy. Wow, these things are heavy... yeah.
Coach Cherkov: Put me down, Jackass!
Viola De Lesseps: Master Shakespeare?
William Shakespeare: The same, alas.
Viola De Lesseps: Oh, but why "alas"?
William Shakespeare: A lowly player.
Viola De Lesseps: Alas indeed, for I thought you the highest poet of my esteem and writer of plays that capture my heart.
William Shakespeare: Oh - I am him too!
Norm: The place is surging with girls.
John: Please, sir, sir, can I have one to surge me, sir, please, sir?
Norm: No, you can't!