[during "Red, White, and Blaine production] I love you too pa. You taught me how to be a man. How to wrastle a steer to the ground and apply a fiery brand to his hind-quarters. And yes, how to love a woman. How the smell of her hair can drive a man wild!

Corky St. Clair

Well, it's like, how many babies fit the tire? You know, that old joke.

Corky St. Clair

[attempting to say "Hello, how are you" in a Cockney accent] Ello, ow are ooo?

Corky St. Clair

Mom was right about you!

Nick 'Santa' Claus

Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.

Dan Burns

[about Mitch] It seems all his best lines were yours... this is unbearable.

Marie

Jane Burns: If you don't let me, I'll never learn.
Dan Burns: But if I let you, you might not live.

Cow: You're a lawyer too?
Mooseblood: Ma'am, I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase!

Adam Flayman: Are you going to his funeral?
Barry B. Benson: No way. Everyone knows you sting someone, you die. You don't waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hothead.

He's no goodfella, He's a BAD-fella!

Barry B. Benson

Prince Edward: [talking to TV] Magic Mirror. I beg you. Tell me where she is!
Reporter: [on TV] Reporting live from 116th and Broadway.
Prince Edward: 116th and Broadway! Thank you mirror!

Robert: You're not going to sing, are you?
Giselle: [singing] How does she know...
Robert: Don't sing. It's okay, you know. Let's just walk. Can we walk?

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