Favorite Comedy Quotes
[during "Red, White, and Blaine production] I love you too pa. You taught me how to be a man. How to wrastle a steer to the ground and apply a fiery brand to his hind-quarters. And yes, how to love a woman. How the smell of her hair can drive a man wild!Corky St. Clair
Well, it's like, how many babies fit the tire? You know, that old joke.Corky St. Clair
[attempting to say "Hello, how are you" in a Cockney accent] Ello, ow are ooo?Corky St. Clair
Mom was right about you!Nick 'Santa' Claus
Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.Dan Burns
[about Mitch] It seems all his best lines were yours... this is unbearable.Marie
Jane Burns: If you don't let me, I'll never learn.
Dan Burns: But if I let you, you might not live.
Cow: You're a lawyer too?
Mooseblood: Ma'am, I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase!
Adam Flayman: Are you going to his funeral?
Barry B. Benson: No way. Everyone knows you sting someone, you die. You don't waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hothead.
He's no goodfella, He's a BAD-fella!Barry B. Benson
Prince Edward: [talking to TV] Magic Mirror. I beg you. Tell me where she is!
Reporter: [on TV] Reporting live from 116th and Broadway.
Prince Edward: 116th and Broadway! Thank you mirror!
Robert: You're not going to sing, are you?
Giselle: [singing] How does she know...
Robert: Don't sing. It's okay, you know. Let's just walk. Can we walk?