Favorite Comedy Quotes
Juno MacGuff: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno MacGuff: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.'
...and remember it doesn't say Cox, unless I say it tastes like Cox.Dewey Cox
With meditation, there's no limit to what you can... Imagine.John Lennon
Dewey Cox: [singing] In my dreams, you're blowing me... some kisses.
Darlene: [singing] That's one of my favorite things to do.
Let's go play machete fight. Ain't no terrible tradgedy's gonna happen today!Nate
Dewey Cox: [to his mother] All I need is my music and someday, I'll make my masterpiece.
Dewey's Dad: The wrong kid died.
Dewey Cox: You see that, Momma? That was just unnecessary.
Edith: It's against the law to be married to two people at the same time!
Dewey Cox: What about if, if you're famous?
[to his pet chimpanzee] I've had it with all this crap! All you care about is fruit and touching yourself. Well, fuck you!Dewey Cox
Dewey Cox: Thank you, Elvis Presley!
Elvis Presley: [mumbles somthing incoherently and indecipherable, then leaves]
Dewey Cox: What the fuck was he talking about?
Dewey Cox: I have a lot of pain in me.
Darlene: Where does all that pain come from, Dewey?
Dewey Cox: I cut my brother in half with a machete.
Darlene: [shocked] What?
Dewey Cox: Nothin', nothin'. Let's get some food, come on.
Prince Edward: [talking to a TV] Magic Mirror. I beg you. Tell me where she is!
Mary Ilene Caselotti: [on TV] Reporting from 116th and Broadway.
Prince Edward: One hundred and sixteenth and Broadway!
[hugs the TV]
Prince Edward: Thank you mirror!
[kisses it and runs off]
Prince Edward: [threatening Robert with his sword] Have you any last words before I dispatch you?
Robert: You have got to be kidding me!
Prince Edward: Strange words!