Favorite Comedy Quotes
Al Pacino: Your sister and I grew up on the same streets. When I look at her, I see me.
Jack: When I look at her I see me too.
Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one... just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle.Burger Shack Employee
What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?Dark Helmet
I wish my momma bought me some bling-bling.Venetia
Thurgood Jenkins: Yeah, get me a box of condoms, and, what was that thing we used to eat back in the day? What was it... oh yeah, pussy.
Kenny: You got it.
Ricky Lipman: I am *not* going to let you hurt Janey again. Okay? Besides, I love her.
Jake: Well, so do I.
Ricky Lipman: [slight pause] Yes, but I'm the best friend, and I have been in front of her face the whole time, and she just... hasn't really realized it yet, but she will.
Jake: Well, I'm the reformed cool guy, who's learned the error of his ways. She's gonna forgive me for my mistakes, and realize that I really love her.
Ricky Lipman: [pause] Dammit, that's true.
Convincing a town to approve something that's already in their best interest, that's just delayed common sense!Ollie
You sunk my battleship!Grim Reaper
Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I still have not received my paycheck and they moved my desk to storage room B and there was... garbage on it.Milton Waddams
You're squeezing your boobies out!Corky St. Clair
[aboard Mega-Maid] Thank you for pressing the self destruct button.Self-Destruct Voice
Brandi: Second suitor: if we were making whoopee, what sounds would you make?
Brodie: Wait, what's whoopee?
Brandi: You know, being intimate.
Brodie: What? Like fucking?