Favorite Comedy Quotes
Joey: Are you lost?
Michael: No, actually I just came by to chat.
Joey: We don't chat.
Ms. Perky: [writing her novel] ... Underlating with desire, Adrian removes her red
[breaks concentration, chooses another word]
Ms. Perky: crimson cape, at the site of Reginal's stiff and...
[Yells at Judith]
Ms. Perky: What’s another word for "engorged"?
Judith: [disgusted look] I'll look it up.
Ms. Perky: Ok.
[thinking of word]
Ms. Perky: Swollen... Turgient...
Kat Stratford: [enters Kat] Tumesent?
Ms. Perky: Perfect!
Kat Stratford: [as Kat leaves] I'll let you get back to "Reginal's quivering member".
Ms. Perky: Quivering member? I like that.
Bianca: Can we for two seconds ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?
Walter Stratford: What's normal? Those damn Dawson's River kids, sleeping in each other's beds and whatnot?
Kat Stratford: Tell me something true.
Patrick: Something true... I hate peas.
Kat Stratford: No, something real, something no one else knows.
Patrick: Okay, you're sweet, and sexy, and completely hot for me.
Kat Stratford: You are amazingly self-assured, has anyone ever told you that?
Patrick: I tell myself that every day, actually.
Walter Stratford: I know who you wanna bend the rules for. It's that hot-rod Joey.
Bianca: What's a hot-rod?
Jimmy: She's ainâ€™t my girlfriend. She's a prostitute.
Ken: I am not aware that there are any prostitutes in Bruges.
Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places. Brothels are good.
Jerry: [sung, poorly, to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme song] When you're walkin' down the street...
Jerry: [singing] ... and you see a little ghost...
Jerry: [singing] ... whatcha gonna do about -
[more out of tune]
Mike: What? What is that?
Jerry: That's the Ghostbusters theme song.
Jerry: I'm pretty sure it is.
Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette?
Lou Redwood: No. I like to smoke when I drink.
Priest: What did you do Raymond?
Ray: Murder, father.
Priest: Why did you murder, Raymond?
Ray: For money.
Priest: You murdered for money?
Ray: Yes, father.
Priest: Who did you murder for money, Raymond?
Ray: You, father.
Two weeks, in fuckin Bruge. With you? No way.Ray
Harry: Number One, why aren't you in when I fucking told you to be. Number Two, why doesn't this hotel have fucking phones with fucking voicemail on them and not have to leave messages with the fucking receptionist? Number Three you better fucking be in tomorrow night when I fucking call again or there'll be fucking Hell to pay. I'm fucking telling you.
Ray: Jeez, he swears a lot, doesn't he?