Favorite Comedy Quotes
Harry: Yeah, well, I don't know. These places just don't do it for me.
Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.
We must become invisible, travel silently, for there are forces that would seek to destroy us.Horton
We need to find the point in time that things went wrong and fix it.Jacob
But there's no way I could stop it's use in my lifetime is there? I mean, Jimmy Carter would have an electric car by now. I could have a Cadillac Escalade and it could be electric. I wouldn't have to ride my bicycle.Tommy Corn
Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
Captain of Guards: Five schillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
She's 17. I'm 42 and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father.Isaac Davis
Hey look. I read the damn article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell.Van Wilder
Lee: These men are Triads. The most deadly gang in China.
James Carter: You think they scare me? I'm from Los Angeles, man. We invented gangs!
[Gil sees Justin wearing nothing but a gunbelt]
Gil: That's what you're wearing to bed? You'll catch a cold!
[Justin puts on a cowboy hat]
Gil: Karen, how about after the kids are asleep... (referring to Justin.) I wear this outfit?
Patty Bernstein: [provocatively] You know what I wanna do?
Navin Johnson: What's that?
Patty Bernstein: Guess your weight. [starts squeezing on him everywhere]
Navin Johnson: Hey, you're really trying to be accurate!
This valley is just one long smorgasboard.Valentine McKee
Ahaha! To the top of Mount Nool, as fast as lightning, away I go!Horton