Favorite Comedy Quotes
Chon Wang: I got an idea: why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack the guard when they come in?
Roy O'Bannon: Oh, you mean the sick person routine? Does that still work in China? 'Cause here it's sorta been done to death.
French journalist: Inspector, do you know if the killer was a man or woman?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well of course I know that! What else is there? A kitten?
Nancy Hayes: That's probably my mother.
Jack Ryan: Is your mother hot?
Nancy Hayes: Ugh!
Jack Ryan: What? I just want to know if you two look like mother/daughter.
Nancy Hayes: Easy, Jack.
Ted: Miss Preston, we'd like you to meet some of our friends.
Bill: This is, uh, Dave Beeth Oven.
Beethoven: Sie sind so schÃ¶n, Madame.
Bill: And, uh, Maxine of Arc, Missy, Herman the Kid...
Ted: Bob "Genghis" Khan, Dennis Frood, So-crates Johnson, and, uh... Abraham Lincoln.
Miss Preston: It's so nice to meet you all. There's sodas in the fridge.
Eli: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
Royal: Me too, me too.
Tanya Peters: What are you doing?
Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters: Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin: It's these pants.
I am the soul of discretion.Fanny
The Mayor of Who-ville: They called me a boob! Do I look like a boob to you?
Miss Yelp: You don't want me to answer that.
Ed: You gonna thank me then?
Shaun: For what?
Ed: Tidying up!
Shaun: Doesn't look that tidy.
Ed: Well, I had a few beers when I finished.
[on sex] I swear, by the third time I was so loud car alarms were going off and dogs were barking.Maggie
Athena: I'm going to The Jewel. Listen, I'll get you some pantyhose.
Maria Portokalos: No queen size. They make me look fat.
Cameron: I burn, I pine, I perish.
[Lucentio's line from The Taming of the Shrew Act I Scene 1]
Michael: Of course you do. You know, she's beautiful and deep, I'm sure.