Favorite Comedy Quotes
When something happens to you that hasn't happened before, don't you at least have to find out what it is?Julian Mercer
Mike. Go downstairs and have a Coke and smile.Marcus Burnett
Jamie: It's my favorite time of day, driving you.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] It is the saddest part of my day, leaving you.
Dawn Campbell: Brad, do you love me?
Brad Stand: I think so.
Dawn Campbell: With the bonnet?
Brad Stand: Ehhh...
[to Joe] Ballerinas can jump just as high as you but when they come down they come down in plies, and then they stand pointe, and they stand like that for hours. If ballet was easy, it would be called football.Monique Vasquez
Don't hassle me about crumbs man, because I am on the edge of the edge.J-Man
Russel: It will be Terry's job to give the actors their hand cue.
Wayne Campbell: Excuse me, Russel, but I believe I requested the hand job...
Oh, I don't know, Charlie. Unlike you, I never expected "the thunderbolt." I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that.Tom
[to Lewis] I'm not allowed to look at the time machine, let alone drive it!Wilbur
My woman, Miss Lopez, must love the land as I do.Armando Alvarez
Roy O'Bannon: The thing about your husband, and this is nothing against him, I mean I really like him, but...
[lowering his voice]
Roy O'Bannon: he comes from a very male dominated society.
Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.