Favorite Comedy Quotes
Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead.
Lydia: They don't want to come down.
Otho: Why not?
Lydia: I think the reason is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.
Otho: What happened to the people who lived here?
Delia: Oh, they died. Hey, look, an indoor outhouse.
Delia: Open this door you dead people or we'll bust it down and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourselves with!
Lydia: They didn't commit suicide!
Barbara: I don't get it, I mean where all the other dead people in the world?
Adam: Maybe this is heaven.
Barbara: In heaven there wouldn't be dust everywhere.
Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
Adam: [Trying too hard to be scary] WEEEE'RE GHOOOOOOOOOOSTS!
Preacher: Do you take this woman do be your wedded wife?
Beetlejuice: [Runs off to the side mumbling to himself] Oh man, I don't know, it's kind of a big decision isn't it... I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it...
Beetlejuice: [Runs back to the altar and stands next to Lydia] Yeah, yeah, sure, right.
Adam: We're not completely helpless, Barbara. I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation: ghosts.
I heard. Tore your faces right off. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you!Juno
Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.Beetlejuice
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.Beetlejuice