Favorite Comedy Quotes
Jane: [after passing out] Are you a doctor?
Kevin: No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.
Lynn: You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?
Monix: I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.
Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead.
Lydia: They don't want to come down.
Otho: Why not?
Lydia: I think the reason is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.
Otho: What happened to the people who lived here?
Delia: Oh, they died. Hey, look, an indoor outhouse.
Delia: Open this door you dead people or we'll bust it down and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourselves with!
Lydia: They didn't commit suicide!
Barbara: I don't get it, I mean where all the other dead people in the world?
Adam: Maybe this is heaven.
Barbara: In heaven there wouldn't be dust everywhere.
Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
Adam: [Trying too hard to be scary] WEEEE'RE GHOOOOOOOOOOSTS!
Preacher: Do you take this woman do be your wedded wife?
Beetlejuice: [Runs off to the side mumbling to himself] Oh man, I don't know, it's kind of a big decision isn't it... I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it...
Beetlejuice: [Runs back to the altar and stands next to Lydia] Yeah, yeah, sure, right.
Adam: We're not completely helpless, Barbara. I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation: ghosts.
I heard. Tore your faces right off. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you!Juno