Favorite Comedy Quotes
We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!Mike
Guano bowls! Collect the whole set...Ace
Ben: You want the hammer?
Angela: I want the hammer.
Ben:Then go get the hammer.
[James, who was sitting in the dark, shines his flashlight on them, scaring them]
James: OK, enough of that nasty sh**.
Ben: Baby 9-1-1, call 9-1-1!!
[he pushes her, then trips and breaks a glass table]
Max Fischer: What was your major?
Rosemary Cross: I didn't have a major, but my thesis was on Latin American economic policy.
Max Fischer: Oh, that's interesting. Did you hear that they're not going to teach Latin anymore?
Rosemary Cross: This was more like Central America.
If I wasn't from Jamaica, then why would I be wearing this hat?Thurgood Jenkins
Off to find the mythical clitoris!Darald
Pastor Arthur Mitchell: [to the congregation] You have to ask yourself: Would a man rob God?
Valentine McKee: What the hell's in those things, Burt?
Burt Gummer: A few household chemicals in the proper proportions.
I'm not gonna lose my son!Durell
This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.J.D.
Steven Kovacs: What's going on?
Chip Douglas: It appears that we're going to do battle, Steven.
Steven Kovacs: Is this a normal part of the show?
Chip Douglas: No, but I gave all the knights free cable. They thought it would be cool if we went at it for a while.
Steven Kovacs: Is it safe?
Chip Douglas: Sure, that's what the armor's for. Come on.
I'm betting he's going to swerve first.Phil