Favorite Comedy Quotes
I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting the fear.Dr. Gonzo
[swings from a rope and drops into the water]
Lee Carter: Yeah! Keep swimming to the other side!
Will: [floundering in the water] I can't swim.
Lee Carter: ...What d'you mean you can't swim?
Lee Carter: [watches Will sink beneath the water] ... Oh shit!
Cecil: [while Larry is chasing Cecil] These are trained horses, Larry. They won't stop until they hear a specific word.
Larry: Oh, you mean a word like... DAKOTA!
Carol: [to Falfa] Your car is uglier than I am!
[both John and Falfa look at her oddly]
Carol: Uh... that didn't come out right.
Julian Mercer: I knew you'd smell good.
Erica: It's just... soap.
Eugene Kalb: Thanks for the Laker tickets.
Dan Foreman: You bet.
Eugene Kalb: Seats were terrific. But I'm still not going to advertise in the magazine. My son-in-law tells me that people don't read much any more. Too much effort moving eyes back and forth. So we're gonna put most of our budget into television, radio, internet.
RHETORICAL QUESTION WOODCOCK!John Farley
King Arthur: One, two, five!
Sir Galahad: Three sir!
King Arthur: Three!
[writing in diary] Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.Veronica Sawyer
T.S. Quint: [to Jay and Silent Bob] You two up for getting stoned?
Jay: Look who you're asking!