Favorite Comedy Quotes
Look at these. I used to dream I'd be surrounded by exotic women's underwear forever and ever. Now I know they just save their best pairs for the nights they know they're going to sleep with somebody.Rob
Rufus T. Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband?
Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead.
Rufus T. Firefly: I bet he's just using that as an excuse.
Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end.
Rufus T. Firefly: No wonder he passed away.
Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him.
Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I see, then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.
[pinned beneath a meteor] Goodbye, world! Keep rocking! And don't forget to buy my two new CDs, in stores now!Hannah Montana
[pounding steering wheel] Mother... shitter... Son of an... ass. I just...Samir
Bender: [after Claire kisses him] Why'd you do that?
Claire Standish: 'Cause I knew you wouldn't.
Claire Standish: [pause] Did you really think what I did with my lipstick was gross?
Claire Standish: Yeah.
Tess: You won't share that information with me about him. You wouldn't hurt a fly. Besides, I'm your sister.
Jane: That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.
Theo: You're out. This is Spider; he's replacing you.
Spider: What's up, dog.
Tiffany: You love me?
I just wanna let you know, I know who you really are, and you're better than this.Matthew
What? I've got a wiping problem. I just stick those little pieces up my brown-eye and bam! I get no stains in my undies. What you don't believe me? Check this shit out. Spread my cheeks, so he can see the fucking stink nuggets!Jay