Missy: Spirits, can you hear me?
Ted: Yeah and we can totally see down...
Bill: Ted! That's your mom, dude!

Bill: Ted, it's the Grim Reaper!
Ted: Oh, how's it hangin' Death?

I did inhale because I thought 'What the hell, it's lit, it's in my hand, I'll inhale it.'

Tom Dobbs

Tom Dobbs: If you're representing special interest groups, maybe we should be like NASCAR with the little patches on the back: 'Enron: We take your money and run!'

The president wants to pass an amendment banning same-sex marriage. Anybody who's been married knows it's always the same sex!

Tom Dobbs

Senator Mills: I support hydrogen cars...
Tom Dobbs: That's weird, because you're backed by oil companies.

Tom Dobbs: How many analogies do you have left?
Jack Menken: How many does it take to make my point?

This makes golf look like porn.

Tom Dobbs

We'll pay for your Viagra but not for your glasses. That way, you get a hard-on but can't see where to put it!

Tom Dobbs

Tom Dobbs: NASA spent 30 Million dollars creating the pen that would write upside down in space. Did you know that? The Russians, how ever, were able to solve this problem with
[imitating]
Tom Dobbs: Five cent pencil! Writes right side up, writes up-side down. After five quarts of vodka, is still writing!

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