Favorite Comedy Quotes
No, not Janey Briggs. She's got glasses. And a ponytail. Ugh, she's got paint on her overalls. What is that?Jake
Billy Madison: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy Madison: Oh my God. I'll go to school.
Jackie: Lula, a snack?
Lula: You always complainin'. It's hot. I'm hungry.
Lesher: Manila. Dr. P specifically said manila. This is off-white.
Lesher: Sorry doesn't make it manila.
Wilbur: So you eat flies?
Charlotte A. Cavatica: No... no, no. I drink their blood.
Stop fighting it, Cody! Just let go!Lani Aliikai
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
Ahh! Ahh! I'm innocent! It was Duke! It was Duke!Dr. Gonzo
[inaudible screaming, grunting] Ahh! Ahh! Don't put that thing on me! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
I just don't know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I've cooked, I've picked your shit up off the floor, I've laid your clothes out for you like you're a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don't feel like you appreciate any of it. I don't feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.Brooke
Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women...
Andy Stitzer: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the 7th degree imperial yo-yo master.
Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.Harry Doyle
If he tells you to stick the drugs in your ass, you stick them in your ass.Sergio Roma