Favorite Comedy Quotes
[a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.Columbus
Ferris Bueller: Four thousand restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to.
Cameron: We're pinched, for sure.
Ferris Bueller: Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.
[about calling Lana] It's what you want. It's what every white boy off the lake wants.Jackie
My job requires a certain... moral flexibility.Nick Naylor
I'm not listening to you. Youâ€™re crazy.Nacho
John Winger: My philosophy: a hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of boots.
Annie Savoy: Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn't listen to what a woman says when she's in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Yeah, you said "Crash"!
Annie Savoy: Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?
Diego: Who just saw some titties?
[Mark, Largeman and Sam raise their hands tentatively]
Diego: Ok. Now everybody calm the fuck down!
Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.Patches O'Houlihan
Your mom kinda freaked me out.Russell Hammond
You know who else I like that didn't get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady.Stoner Guy
Bob Slydell: You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob Porter: Uhhh. Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about 15 minutes of real, actual, work.