[flipping frantically through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!

Homer Simpson

I dated this girl for a while... she was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to... get down with... sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day... she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! cool!"

Andy Stitzer

Doug Billings: Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?
Alan Garner: Oh really?
Doug Billings: It's not easy.
Alan Garner: Okay, well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a ruh-tard.
Stu Price: A what?
Alan Garner: He was a ruh-tard.
Doug Billings: [pauses to figure out what Alan was saying] *RE*tard.

I'm a lead farmer, mother fucker!

Kirk Lazarus

Thorny: [after pulling car over] Do you know how fast you were going back there?
College Kid 1: Umm... 65?
Thorny: 63.
College Kid 1: But... isn't the speed limit 65?
Thorny: Yeah. It is.
College Kid 2: [stoned] I'm freakin' out, man!

Jimmy: I see you got fat!
Chazz: I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl but not hot.

Jack Sparrow: We are very much alike, you and I, I and you... us.
Elizabeth Swann: Oh. Except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center. And personal hygiene.
Jack Sparrow: [Sniffs his armpit and looks back] Trifles.

Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie Harris: Crisco? Bardol? Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeño up my nose, get it running, and if I need to load the ball up I just... wipe my nose.

[to Yuri] An Uzi? I'm not from South Central Los fucking Angeles. I didn't come here to shoot twenty black ten year olds in a fucking drive-by. I want a normal gun for a normal person.


Don't push me 'cause I am close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head

Baby Seymour

Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No you're not wrong.
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.
Walter Sobchak: All right then.

The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.


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