Favorite Comedy Quotes
Roy O'Bannon: First time you ever see an outlaw?
[Pretty victim nods]
Roy O'Bannon: Scared? Kind of excited, too? All mixed up? Yeah. Last train we robbed we were naked it was so hot out.
Thomas: JIMMY! Can I have your autograph?
Jimmy: Get it off eBay!
Thomas: Who is eBay?
With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.Raoul Duke
Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
Shrek: Of course.
Donkey: Please. I don't wanna go back there. You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak... Well, maybe you do, but that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!
[shouting, smashing car with golf club] This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!Walter Sobchak
Did you get me my Cheez Wiz, boy?The Cheese Whiz
Robert: Would you like me to call someone for you?
Giselle: I don't think they would hear you from here.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Ever been in a high-speed pursuit?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, I have.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed pursuit?
Nicholas Angel: No!
Bruce: Is this heaven?
God: No, this is Mount Everest. You should flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time. But I guess you can't now, being dead and all.
Bruce: I'm *dead*?
God: Naw, I'm just messing with ya.
Bruce: That's not funny, Man! That is *not* funny.
Maybe now you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?Dr. Peter Venkman
Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.
[after Joel's Princeton interview]
Lana: So, how're we doin'?
Joel Goodson: Looks like University of Illinois!