Incredible; that guy is the Deion Sanders of retards.


Kevin: Jane, can I have $50?
Jane: No.
Kevin: Jane, can I have $50?
Jane: No.
Kevin: [takes hand lovingly] Jane, I REALLY need $50, can i have the $50?
Jane: [hesitant] ... No?
Kevin: [laughing] See? That was good!
[grabs Jane's drink]
Kevin: Jane, can I have your drink?
Jane: Sure.

Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah well, I fucked the housekeeper the other day.

I know, right?


Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.


"I have a demon in me."


Evan: It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical.
Seth: I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.

No, not Janey Briggs. She's got glasses. And a ponytail. Ugh, she's got paint on her overalls. What is that?


Billy Madison: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy Madison: Oh my God. I'll go to school.

Jackie: Lula, a snack?
Lula: You always complainin'. It's hot. I'm hungry.

I'm not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work, there, Lou.

Marge Gunderson

Lesher: Manila. Dr. P specifically said manila. This is off-white.
Roger: Sorry.
Lesher: Sorry doesn't make it manila.

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