Favorite Comedy Quotes
The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.J.D.
Dory: Hey, look, balloons. It is a party.
Bruce: Mind your distance, though. Those balloons can be a bit dodgy. You wouldn't want one of them to pop.
Nurse: My lady, the house is stirring. It is a new day.
Viola De Lesseps: It is a new WORLD.
Elwood: What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. Country AND western!
Mother in Store: [apologizing for her daughter hitting Dave on the head with a box while shopping in a grocery store] Oh, sorry about that. Sorry.
David Seville: Kids, huh?
Mother in Store: Yeah, they keep you on your toes. You have any?
David Seville: Three boys.
Mother in Store: Some days are better than others.
David Seville: ...and then some days you just want to close them in a box, and leave the box in the park, and run away you know?
Mother in Store: [rushes off with her cart]
Man... I thought this job would have more car chases and (expletive)...Schmidt
Are you seeing planes? Is your name Tattoo? Because I swear to God, you're living on Fantasy Island.Doug Butabi
Patrick: Some asshole paid me to take out this really great girl.
Kat Stratford: Is that right?
Patrick: Yeah, but I screwed up. I, um, I fell for her.
Jimmy: THAT was disgusting.
Chazz: THAT, young man, is how babies are made.
I love you. And I'm about to boldly go where... many men have gone before.William Miller
Thanks for the free money, Bitch.Jay
Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.