Favorite Comedy Quotes
Jack: What did he say?
Peter: He said the train is lost.
Jack: How can a train be lost? It's on rails.
Dale: "Your ad said you do wet work?"
Not the Hit Man: "I urinate on other men for money. Why else do you think my ad was in a 'Men Seeking Men' section."
(argument breaks out between Nick, Dale and Kurt)
Dale: "We are men, looking for a man!"
I could tell she knew what I was feeling, we all are orphans in Zombieland.Columbus
Tracy Turnblad: I'm an integrationist. We shall overcome someday.
Beatnik Chick: Not with that hair, you won't.
I think Eskimos are smug.Chuck
David: I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think.
Andy Stitzer: Where is she now?
David: Oh she's dating some pot dealer which is a stupid horrible decision, but hey - that's her journey. If she wants to be a fucking immature bitch and blow everybody...
[Gets flustered, but calms down]
David: But that's love, man.
Mr. Morgan: I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle-class suburban oppression. Must be tough. But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better... lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them WHY they can't buy a book written by a black man!
White Rastas: That's right mon!
Mr. Morgan: Don't even get me started on you two!
White Rastas: [Mumble to themselves]
Do you want to go in the bathroom and smoke a cigarette with me?Jack
[sees Shrek naked] Aahh! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!Donkey
She's sweet, but she's fucked-up.Herman Blume
David St. Hubbins: We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but...
Nigel Tufnel: We don't literally say it.
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't say it.
Nigel Tufnel: We don't really, literally mean it.
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't believe it either, but...
Nigel Tufnel: But we're not racists.
David St. Hubbins: But that message should be clear, anyway.
Nigel Tufnel: We're anything but racists.
My other interviews have pinned you as a mass murderer, blood sucker, pimp, profiteer and my personal favorite, yuppie Mephistopheles.Heather Holloway