Favorite Comedy Quotes
So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don't you know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well, I just don't understand it.Marge Gunderson
Michelle: [holds up box of donuts] Want one?
Tommy: I'd better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I'd get them lodged right in this region here.
You did everything penguinly possible.RamÃ³n
Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.Shooter McGavin
Reno is a lot like Mayberry on the TV except that everyone's on crystal meth and prostitution's legal.Deputy Travis Junior
I want to give this child a typical African-American name. Ojay.BrÃ¼no
Cameron: We are screwed.
Michael: Hey, no, hey. I don't wanna hear that defeatist attitude... I wanna hear you upbeat!
Cameron: [more upbeat] We are screwed!
Michael: There ya go.
Bart: You are my guest, and I am your host. What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: I don't know... play chess... screw...
Bart: [quickly] Let's play chess.
Prince Edward: Have you any last words?
Robert: You have got to be kidding me!
Prince Edward: Strange words.
[Inside the whale] I have to get out of here! I have to find my son! I have to tell him how old sea turtles are!Marlin
I was trying to help you, bitch!Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.