Favorite Comedy Quotes
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Well. Thanks for that, Bill.
Billy Mack: For what?
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Well, for actually giving a real answer to a question. Doesn't often happen here on "Radio Watford" I can tell you.
Billy Mack: Ask me anything you like, I'll tell you the truth.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Uh... best shag you've ever had?
Billy Mack: Britney Spears.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Wow!
Billy Mack: No, only kidding. She was rubbish.
Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her.
Garth Algar: Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?
Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.
Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.Harry Doyle
Why don't you lay out two lines of your selfishness, which is your blow, draw the shades, take the phone off the hook, grab a straw, and snort!Gayle Sweeny
What the city council did was really... give me a challenge, and it's a challenge that I am going to... accept. It's like in the olden days, in the... days of France, when men would slap each other with their gloves... say, y'know...â€D'Artagnan!"... y'know, "how dare you talk to me like that, you!," and... smack 'em!Corky St. Clair
Is that... is that hair gel?Mary
Jeffy just doesn't know what's happening to his body...Steve Barker
Lou: Hey, Gil, our boys finally gonna win one game?
Gil: Way to be supportive, Lou.
[watching the elephant seals]
Raul: I don't think they are penguin eaters, are they?
RamÃ³n: I believe they are herbivores.
RamÃ³n: You know, kelp suckers!
Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.
Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.
That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.Jay