Favorite Comedy Quotes
Mrs. Fox: You know, you really are... fantastic.
Mr. Fox: I try.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up.
Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?
Mr. Briggs: No honey, I'll probably just be waaaay too drunk.
Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.
Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
Janey: Ok, bye, daddy.
[Kisses him on the cheek]
Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin.
People say Intelligent Design, we must teach Intelligent Design. Look at the human body, is that intelligent? You have a waste processing plant next to a recreation area.Tom Dobbs
Marlin: Tell me, Dory, do you see anything?
Dory: Yeah, I see a light.
Marlin: A light?
Dory: Yeah. I see a light.
Marlin: Yeah, I see it too.
Dory: Hey conscience, am I dead?
Marlin: No, no. I see it, too.
Captain O'Hagan: Bulletproof cup, huh? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked.
[fires through the window, accidentally shooting out the glass]
Captain O'Hagan: And we also used blanks. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.
Mac: Thanks, Chief!
[Coach Skip is teaching Kristofferson the rules of Whackbat]
Coach Skip: Basically, there's three grabbers, three taggers, five twig runners, and a player at Whackbat. Center tagger lights a pine cone and chucks it over the basket and the whack-batter tries to hit the cedar stick off the cross rock. Then the twig runners dash back and forth until the pine cone burns out and the umpire calls hotbox. Finally, you count up however many score-downs it adds up to and divide that by nine.
Kristofferson: Got it.
Marlin: What did it say? What did the mask say?
Dory: P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
Go and hide out somewhere. San Diego, Tahiti, Utah. No! Not Utah. Utah sucks.Matt Saunders
Stan: We're "La Resistance," we want to save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff.
The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded in my room for the next three days.
Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.
Stan: Why are you grounded?
The Mole: Why? Because God hates me, that's why. He has made my life miserable. So I call him a cock-sucking asshole, and I get grounded.
But the children love the books!Nun
"Gandhi" baked is good. I always feel bad when I watch it baked because I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot and poor Gandhi is starving his ass off.Cal
Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.
Larry: Um, my names Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny.
Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?
Larry: Hey teeny, how does that sound?
Jedediah: I... I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.
Larry: Okay, well Gigantor makes me sound like a freak.
Octavius: I don't. I just call you Larry.
Larry: Don't be a kiss-ass.