I am very proud to be an American. I am America's number one douche.

General Aladeen

John Beckwith: Hey, listen. What angle are you going to play here?
Jeremy Grey: I am going to go with the balloon animal display. For the kids. And then when she comes near, guess who is the broken man, haunted past? How about you?
John Beckwith: I am going to go dance with the little flower girl. Oh, and I might be a charter member of Oprah's book club.
Jeremy Grey: It's all deadly.

J.D.: Dude, what does a mime look like when he's having sex anyway? Probably like,
[making obscene gestures with his hands]
J.D.: 'I'm a mime! I'm a mime!' Ha ha ha!
Wayne: Dude, mime's don't talk.
J.D.: They do when they're off duty.

Napoleon Dynamite: Pedro, how do you feel about that one?
Pedro: It looks nice.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, it looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's... it's incredible.


Evan Baxter

That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.


Pooter, you're looking quite dapper this morning.

Shelley Darlingson

[performing at the record release party] Rob, thank you for that kind introduction. We're no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five.


Some people just don't understand boundaries.

Puss in Boots

Mr. Morgan: All right, not that I give a damn, but how was everybody's weekend?
Joey: Oh, I dunno, maybe we should ask Kat?
Mr. Morgan: Unless she kicked the crap outta your dumb butt, I don't wanna hear about it!

Please don't touch my ruffles. Put that one back.


It makes my hair shine like the Belt of Orion.


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