Favorite Comedy Quotes
Farva: Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners.
Thorny: You know, Farva, only you can make a dark man blush. And no, we're not doing it.
Wow, that was really scary and if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath will certainly get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath STINKS.Donkey
I'm going to murder-ball you!Jonah
Thanks for the free money, Bitch.Jay
Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.Jason
Vinny Gambini: I understand you played a game of pool with Lisa for $200, which she won. I'm here to collect.
J.T.: How 'bout if I just kick your ass?
Vinny Gambini: Oh, a counter-offer. That's what we lawyers - I'm a lawyer - we lawyers call that a counter-offer. This is a tough decision here. Get my ass kicked or collect $200. Let me think... I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be very honest with you... nah, I think I'll just go with the two hundred.
J.T.: Over my dead body.
Vinny Gambini: You like to renegotiate as you go along, don't you? Well here's my counter-offer... do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out of you?
J.T.: In your dreams.
Vinny Gambini: Oh no no... in reality. If I was to kick the shit out of you, do I get the money?
Now you get up there and work that pole like a Russian immigrant.Claire Foster
I was trying to help you, bitch!Buffy the Vampire Slayer
No you're not hardcore! Unless you live hardcore! And the legend of the rent was way hardcore!Dewey Finn
Derek Zoolander: Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.
Peter Gibbons: You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael?
Bob Slydell: Oh yeah, we're bring in some entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal.
Bob Porter: Standard operating procedure.
Peter Gibbons: Do they know this yet?
Bob Slydell: No. No, of course not. We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.
Michelle: [holds up box of donuts] Want one?
Tommy: I'd better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I'd get them lodged right in this region here.