Favorite Comedy Quotes
Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.Patches O'Houlihan
Now you get up there and work that pole like a Russian immigrant.Claire Foster
Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.Cher
Gloria Cleary: You're really talented.
Jeremy Grey: I can go on all day. Last week I made, to scale, a balloon model of Wrigley Field. I don't have anywhere to put it.
Gloria Cleary: I'll have a sports car.
Jeremy Grey: How about a dance?
Gloria Cleary: That's what I really wanted.
Did you get me my Cheez Wiz, boy?The Cheese Whiz
You shouldn't take life to seriously. You'll never get out alive.Van Wilder
But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end.Sam
Rabbit: [lifting soap out of coffee] Oh, look, a bar of soap.
Farva: Oohoohoh shit. I got you good, you fucker!
Mac: Awesome prank, Farva.
Farva: Better'n the crap you pull, Mac.
Crash Davis: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [softly, infuriated] I held it like an egg.
Crash Davis: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the fucking bull! Guy gets a free steak!
Penny Lane: How old are you?
William Miller: Eighteen.
Penny Lane: Me too! How old are we really?
William Miller: Seventeen.
Penny Lane: Me too!
William Miller: Actually, I'm sixteen.
Penny Lane: Me too. Isn't it funny? The truth just sounds different.
William Miller: I'm fifteen.
"I didn't f***in' try and kill myself! If I wanted to kill myself, I'd f***in' kill myself. I'd be awesome at it. Shotgun to the dick."Lou
Reverend Cleophus James: The sad sack was sittin' on a block o' stone/Way over in the corner weepin' all alone/
Curtis: The warden said, "Hey, buddy, don't you be no square / if you can't find a partner use a wooden chair!"
Ray: Let's rock, everybody, let's rock/
Mrs. Murphy: Everybody on the whole cell block / Was dancin' to the Jailhouse rock.