Favorite Comedy Quotes
Lou: Hey, Gil, our boys finally gonna win one game?
Gil: Way to be supportive, Lou.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up.
Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?
Mr. Briggs: No honey, I'll probably just be waaaay too drunk.
Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.
Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
Janey: Ok, bye, daddy.
[Kisses him on the cheek]
Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin.
Artie, Lin is not a killer. She's just a really, really, really hot, confused, Chinese girl.Roy
[Dentist drills and patient screams]
Peach: Now he's using the Schilder technique.
Bloat: He's been favoring that one lately. He's using a Hedstrom file.
Gurgle: That's not a Hedstrom file, that's a K-flex.
Bloat: It has a teardrop cross section, clearly it's a HEDSTROM.
Gurgle: No, it's a K-FLEX.
Sam: What you got?
Andrew Largeman: I got a little buzz going
Andrew Largeman: and I like you.
[Sam, embarassed, giggles]
Andrew Largeman: So there's that. I guess I have that.
Sam: I can tap-dance. You wanna see me tap-dance?
Andrew Largeman: I would love to see you tap-dance.
Phil: Yeah, three cheeseburgers, two large fries, two chocolate shakes and a large coke.
Ralph: [to Phil] And some flapjacks.
Phil: [to cop] Too early for flapjacks?
[last lines, as the fish have managed to roll into the ocean in their plastic bags]
Bloat: Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Gill: We did it!
Bloat: Now what?
Dory: Cooome baaaaack.
Marlin: He's not coming back. You offended him.
Dory: Maybe a different dialect. Mmmmoooooowaaaaah...
Marlin: Dory! This is not whale. You're speaking like, upset stomach.
Dory: Maybe I should try humpback.
Marlin: No, don't try humpback.
Dory: Woooooo! Woooooo!
Marlin: Okay, now you really do sound sick.
Dory: Maybe louder. Rah! Rah!
Marlin: Don't do that!
Dory: Too much orca. Did it sound a little orca-ish to you?
Marlin: It doesn't sound orca. It sounds like nothing I've ever heard!
Benjamin: This place is perfect! Why didn't you mention it earlier?
Mr. Stevens: It's a bit complicated.
Benjamin: Complicated's okay. What's so complicated about this place?
Mr. Stevens: Well, you see, it's uhhh... (Lion roars, loudly) It's a zoo.
Mr. Stevens: Yay!
Marlin: Crush, wait. How old are you?
Crush: Hundred and fifty, and still young, dude. Rock on.
He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.Carl Spackler
It stinks like sex in here.Thorny