Kenny Fisher: 'Sup, ladies? Yo Jana, wanna dance?
Jana: I'm allergic.
Kenny Fisher: You're allergic to dancing?
Jana: Yeah.

Jimmy: Hey could you help me?
Little Kid: Strangers are danger.

[to Ian's parents] Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal cord. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin.

Aunt Voula

Stan: We're "La Resistance," we want to save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff.
The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded in my room for the next three days.
Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.
Stan: Why are you grounded?
The Mole: Why? Because God hates me, that's why. He has made my life miserable. So I call him a cock-sucking asshole, and I get grounded.

All I care about is getting out of the Vista View apartments, because there ain't no 'vista', there ain't no "view", and there certainly ain't no vista of no view.

Rhonda Deane

Patrick: Someone still has her panties in a twist.
Kat Stratford: Don't, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.
Patrick: Then what did I have an effect on?
Kat Stratford: Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.

Stop tailgatin' me ya pasty teabag! Can I make a peepee?

Kirk Lazarus

Alvin: Dave needs a little help from the love doctor.
Theodore: And his assistant.

Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.

Van Wilder

Natalie: Shelley knows how to meet guys, hence, we will learn how to meet guys.
Shelley: Yeah, hence!

This is the stupidest group of people I've ever worked with who are not legally retarded.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle

Joey Naylor: Dad, why is the American government the best government?
Nick Naylor: Because of our endless appeals system.

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