Favorite Comedy Quotes
She's sweet, but she's fucked-up.Herman Blume
My other interviews have pinned you as a mass murderer, blood sucker, pimp, profiteer and my personal favorite, yuppie Mephistopheles.Heather Holloway
I'm a virgin. I always have been.Andy Stitzer
Vinny Gambini: I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly those who will give scientific evidence, so that we may properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as give the defense an opportunity to have the witness's reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini?
Vinny Gambini: Yes, sir?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini, that is a lucid, intelligent, well thought-out objection.
Vinny Gambini: Thank you.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Overruled.
Kah Mun Rah: Any questions?
Al Capone: Ya. Why are you wearing a dress?
Kah Mun Rah: It's not a dress. It's a TUNIC!
Each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset ... PEOPLE DIE!Dr. Evil
There is no such thing as a perfect man.Lauren
We dictators aren't all bad. While Western countries continue to ravage our planet's resources, we preserve our land and conserve it by burying thousands of bones in single mass eco-graves.General Aladeen
[to Felicity] Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.Fat Bastard
Wilbur: Okay, so he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it! The first working time machine! Then, he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it again! The second working time machine!
Lewis: That's kinda small for a time machine.
Wilbur: I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm ignoring you for time reasons. This, my friend, is merely a model, because unfortunately, time machine number two is in the hands of the Bowler Hat Guy!
Rabbit: See, a lot of drug dealers use stickers to mark their products. Like a brand name.
Farva: See? Where'd you learn that, Cheech? Drug school?
Captain O'Hagan: Shut up, Farva.
Captain O'Hagan: Did that bag you pulled off these college kids have that sticker?
Rabbit: Uummm... [looks at a bag he hid in his pocket] I don't believe it did.
Princess Fiona: You know, you are acting like a... a...
Shrek: Go on, say it.
Princess Fiona: Like an ogre!
Shrek: Well, whether your parents like it or not, I am an ogre!
[growls at the dog to shut it up]
Shrek: And guess what, princess? That's not about to change.
Princess Fiona: I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that.
Donkey: Real smooth, Shrek. "I'm an ogre! Arrr!"