Favorite Comedy Quotes
Raoul Duke: We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously... All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create... a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force - is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
Ash: [the boys are breaking into Mrs. Bean's kitchen; Ash addresses Kris] You should probably put your bandit hat on now. Personally, I- I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock.
Kristofferson: You look good.
Ash: Yeah, I do.
Why don't they ever bring back or remake good shows, like 'BJ and the Bear.' Now there's a concept I can't get enough of, a man and his monkey.Brodie
Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away. Don't like it? Megabyte me.Bruce
They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!Nacho
My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.Isaac Davis
You're a smooth smooth, you know.Gaer Grimsrud
First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber - pardon me, Bastard. Baxter, rather. It is good to see what someone with real talent can do when great opportunities are given to them instead of me. Anyway, I'm here with Katherine Hepburn's mom. Tell me, why did you toss the "blue heart of the ocean" jewel over the railing of Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown, while you were safe floating on the big door? Could you have taken turns, or were you just too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?Bruce
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake, but very puzzled.
Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.Patches O'Houlihan
Ohh, for God's sake! He's got an arm off!Shaun