Favorite Comedy Quotes
Max: All Halloween I've been running into someone I used to know.
Penelope: [wearing a pig mask] This someone - she meant a lot to you?
Max: Yes, yes she did.
Penelope: What happened?
Max: I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Penelope: What did she want?
Max: To be free.
But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end.Sam
Sit yo sexy ass down, so you can watch yourself die!Matheson
They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!Nacho
Frank: Friedrich Nietzsche? You stopped talking because of Friedrich Nietzsche?
Frank: Far out.
I was gonna have you sing 'Burn it Up' by the Jonas Brothers, but then I remembered you don't like Indie music.Alan
Now it isn't all oriental martial arts. Sometimes you give a little mexican judo. As in you don't know who you messin with homesDrillbit Taylor
Bart: What's your name?
Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim.
Dory: I remembered what it said! I usually forget things, but I remembered it that time! P. Sherman, 4...
Marlin: Wait! What does that mean?
Dory: I don't know. But who cares! Ha ha! I remembered! P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. I remembered it again!
Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda: That was last Friday.
Derek Zoolander: Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?
Bart: [Jim is trying to sit up from dangling on the ceiling] Need any help?
Jim: Oh, all I can get.
The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.