Favorite Comedy Quotes
Peter Gibbons: Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?
Joanna: Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register.
Peter Gibbons: Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.
I never thought my dad would be my best friend.Wilbur
Marlin: You know what? I was right. We'll start school in a year or two.
Nemo: No, dad! Just because you're scared of the ocean...
Marlin: Clearly, you're not ready, and you're not coming back until you are.
Panic. It crept up my spine like first rising vibes of an acid frenzy. There I was. Alone in Las Vegas, completely twisted on drugs, no cash, no story for the magazine, and on top of everything else, a gigantic god damned hotel bill to deal with. How would Horatio Alger handle this situation?Raoul Duke
David Seville: Nicely done, Theodore.
[reading the letter]
David Seville: To Dav... let's see it says Merry Christmas, love Theodore. and i'ts got a nice picture of uh... some pineapples?
Theodore: Those aren't pinapples, that's our family!
Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.Hitch
You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.Valentine McKee
You shoulda kissed her Dave. She wanted you.Alvin
Badger: In summation, I think you just got to not do it, man. That's all.
Mr. Fox: I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
Badger: The cuss you are.
Mr. Fox: The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me?
Badger: No, you cussing with me?
Mr. Fox: Don't cussing point at me!
Badger: If you're gonna cuss, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!
Badger: You're not gonna cuss with me!
[Both start snarling at each other, and then settle down]
Mr. Fox: Just buy the tree.
[last lines, as the fish have managed to roll into the ocean in their plastic bags]
Bloat: Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Gill: We did it!
Bloat: Now what?
Dudley Frank: I got a tat.
Doug Madsen: Hell just froze over.
Woody Stevens: Let's see it!
Dudley Frank: I'm a biker dude! -Shows tattoo of Apple logo
Woody Stevens: It's an Apple.
Dudley Frank: I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!
Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that.