Favorite Comedy Quotes
Ken: Ray, did we or did we not agree that if I let you go on your date tonight, you'd do the things I wanted to do today?
Ray: We are doing the things you wanted to do today.
Ken: And I would do them without you throwing a fucking moody, like a five year old who's dropped all his sweets.
Ray: We didn't agree to that.
Byong: We have not yet received payment. Price now 100 million, or Simple Jack dies.
Les Grossman: Okay, let me get this straight. You want 100 million... oh wait, I have a better idea. How about I send you a hobo's dick cheese?
Father Brian Finn: You're a Sikh, Catholic Muslim with Jewish in-laws?
Indian Bartender: Yes. Yes. It gets very complicated. I'm reading Dianetics.
Father Brian Finn: Don't blame you.
Let's shag ass.Royal
Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!Beetlejuice
Get us laid! Ahhhhhhhhh!Droz
Marlin: Crush, wait. How old are you?
Crush: Hundred and fifty, and still young, dude. Rock on.
Columbus: There are no penguins in the North Pole.
Tallahassee: ...You wanna see how hard I can punch?
He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.Inigo Montoya
Marissa: Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday.
Frank: My birthday? What do you mean?
Marissa: Yeah, last Thursday. Oh, you forgot your birthday, didn't you, Frank?
Frank: Damn it. I'm such an idiot.
I'm Winston Zeddmore, Your Honor. I've only been with the company for a couple of weeks, but these things are real. Since I joined these men, I've seen shit that'll turn you white.Winston Zeddemore
Maxwell Smart: There are 150 special forces snipers surrounding this building.
Siegfried: No there's not.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 dozen Delta Force commandoes?
Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun.