Favorite Comedy Quotes
Olive: Do you think there's a Heaven?
Frank: Well, it's hard to say, Olive. I don't think anyone knows for sure.
Olive: I know, but what do you think?
Frank: Well... um... uh...
Olive: I think there is.
Frank: Think I'll get in?
Me and the judge have a special relationship... I don't wanna get too graphic but I sucked his dick for drugs.Gayle Sweeny
Cher: If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.
Elton: What's seven times seven?
Cher: Stuff she knows.
Jeff Spicoli: Where'd you get this jacket?
Stu Nahan: I got this from the network. Let me ask you, what's next for Jeff Spicoli?
You know, Dr. Evil, I have always thought you were crazy, but now I can see you're nuts.Austin Powers
Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.Metatron
Who loves ya, baby?Brooke
Dudley Frank: I got a tat.
Doug Madsen: Hell just froze over.
Woody Stevens: Let's see it!
Dudley Frank: I'm a biker dude! -Shows tattoo of Apple logo
Woody Stevens: It's an Apple.
Dudley Frank: I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!
Arnold: A winner is someone who doesn't knock me off my surfboard. Especially Tank, he's definitely not a winner.
Smudge: He's a dirty trash can full of poop.
Dave Buznik: I'm sorry I was so rude before... but... it's difficult for me... to... express myself... when I am on the verge of... exploding in my pants.
Kendra: You are too cute.
Dave Buznik: Get the fuck out of here.
Annie Savoy: Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn't listen to what a woman says when she's in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Yeah, you said "Crash"!
Annie Savoy: Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?
He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife.Al Czervik