Favorite Comedy Quotes
NACHO... cheese Doritos are delicious!Nacho Libre
[singing] The sun is shining and the grass is green. / Under the three feet of snow, I mean.Stan
Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.
[while urinating neon green liquid] Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.Danny
With desire, focus, and the willingness to treat every obstacle as an opportunity, it's amazing what you can accomplish.Mini
Phil Wenneck: [his answering machine message] Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor: don't text me, it's gay.
I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shape things up. I have an idea, let's get married! I don't have a ring...Danny
Ivana: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
Austin: I can guess, baby.
Ivana: We play chess.
Austin: I guessed wrong.
Bruce: All right, anyone else? Hello, how 'bout you, mate? What's your problem?
Marlin: Me? I don't... I don't have a problem.
Bruce: Oh. Okay...
Hedley Lamarr: [cuts in line] You dropped your beads. One please... Uhh... Student?
Cashier: Are you kidding?
Hedley Lamarr: Pain in the ASS...
Rita: What's wrong with you?
Jack: I honestly don't know. I'll tell you the next time I see you.
King Dingaling.Mike Lowrey