Popular Comedy Quotes
Jack Fuller: Richard Banger? So your name is Dick Banger! Dick Banger!
Banger: And yours is Jack? Jack off! Jack off
Beneath the clothes, we find a man... and beneath the man, we find his... nucleus.Nacho
This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.Carl Spackler
Surfing Instructor: I once saw him beat a guy up with a starfish!
Peter Bretter: That's ridiculous.
Surfing Instructor: That guy was me.
Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college! You don't know what it's like out there! I've *worked* in the private sector. They expect *results*.Dr Ray Stantz
Sara: What should we toast to?
Hitch: Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.
Those of us that had been up all night were in no mood for coffee and donuts, we wanted strong drink. We were, after all, the absolute cream of the national sporting press.Raoul Duke
I dated this girl for a while... she was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to... get down with... sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day... she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! cool!"Andy Stitzer
Mike Lowrey: Hey, hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?
Marcus Burnett: Look man, I ain't getting my sex at home, OK? Don't deny me this.
Mike Lowrey: What are you talking about, man? You sleep with a beautiful woman everyday.
Marcus Burnett: I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.
[flipping frantically through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!Homer Simpson
That ain't no etch-a-sketch. That's one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.Rollo
I'm gonna go see Dr. Finklestein and I'm gonna tell him we have a whole new bag of issues. We can forget about mom for a while.Jeremy Grey