Popular Comedy Quotes
Rita: Would you like to come to dinner with Larry and me?
Phil: No thank you. I've seen Larry eat.
Ken: I'm sorry about the message last night. The man who left it is a bit of a...well, he's a bit of a...
Ken: Yes, a bit of a cock.
Saul: It's like, if you took that Blue Oyster shit I gave you last week, and then that crazy African Kush I had that one time.. and they had a baby. And then meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light shit I had, and that Red shit I had, made a baby. And by some crazy miracle, those two babies got together, and fucked... this would be it!
Dale Denton: [smells the marijuana] Oh. Wow. This is the product of baby fucking.
Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It's an ability.Marty Barasco
Josh: Will you please leave? I got a deadline to meet. God.
Billy: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Billy: You're Josh Baskin, remember? You broke your arm on my roof! You hid in MY basement when Robert Dyson was about to rip your head off!
Josh: You don't get it, do you? This is important!
Billy: I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh?
[Turns to leave]
Billy: And I'm three months older than you are, ASSHOLE!
Erica Barry: What are you doing here, Harry?
Harry: Turns out the heart attack was easy to get over. You... were something else. I finally get it. I'm 63 years old... and I'm in love for the first time in my life.
Did Doogie Houser just steal my fucking car?Harold
Don't feed the ducks... don't do it!Jenko
Let's go junior high on them.Chuck Levine
Mike Lowrey: Everybody wants to be like Mike.
Captain Howard: Yeah, and you're gonna be retired like him too.
A TITANIUM Express card?Mr. Fox
Captain Howard: Until then, until then, you are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him.
Marcus Burnett: But I-...
Captain Howard: You're him, I don't wanna hear it, you're him. And you, you're you, you be you, but not in front of her. You're him, you're you.