Popular Comedy Quotes
Ron Albertson: I'd wish they'd at least give us a line. I made some suggestions...
Sheila: We should be line-DANCING.
It's okay, 99. Big people feel pain, too.Maxwell Smart
Rita: What about me, Phil? Do you know me too?
Phil: I know all about you. You like producing, but you hope for more than Channel 9 Pittsburgh.
Rita: Well, everyone knows that!
Phil: You like boats, but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.
Rita: How are you doing this?
Phil: I told you. I wake up every day, right here, right in Punxsutawney, and it's always February 2nd, and there's nothing I can do about it.
You have no call to get snippy with me; I'm just trying to do my job here.Marge Gunderson
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Counselor, your clients are charged with first degree murder. How do they plead?
Vinny Gambini: [sitting down] Your Honor, my clients...
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Don't talk to me sitting in that chair.
Vinny Gambini: But he
[points to bailiff]
Vinny Gambini: told me to sit here.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: When you're addressed in this court, you'll rise. Speak to me in a clear, intelligible voice.
Jack: Speak for yourself. I get chicks lookin' at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too.
Miles Raymond: Well, it's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free.
Jack: You need to get laid, Miles. You know what? That's going to be my best man gift to you this week. I'm gonna get you laid.
Miles Raymond: Wonderful.
Jack: I'm not gonna get you a gift certificate or a pen knife or any of that other horse shit.
Miles Raymond: I'd rather have a knife.
Alotta Fagina: How dare you break wind before me.
Austin Powers: I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn.
The light was yellow, sir.Elwood
Lacey Underall: You're crazy!
Ty Webb: That's what they said about Son of Sam.
I don't have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith's legs.Darren
James Carter: Hey Lee! What are you doing?
James Carter: Dancing! Man, im up here working, putting my life on the line, and you up here messing around, dancing with some Bimbo... Does she have a friend?
White Bitch: This crystal will finally put an end to the resistance. I will start a series of earthquakes that will collapse all of Gnarnia and grow a new continent where onlyI and my followers will live.
Bink: Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much the plot of Superman Returns.
White Bitch: Pretty much, yeah.