Laurel Pearson: What are you thinking about, sitting there all serious?
Frank Falenczyk: My shortcomings.
Laurel Pearson: Women don't even pay attention to that.

Michael Newman: You've gotta show me how you do the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy!
Ted: A good magician never reveals his secrets... however, if you invite us over for dinner more often...
Michael Newman: You can come over tomorrow night and the next night and the next night and whenever you want!

Sam: Daniel, I have a plan!
Daniel: Thank the Lord! Tell me.
Sam: Well, girls love musicians, don't they?
Daniel: Uh-huh.
Sam: Even the really weird ones get girlfriends.
Daniel: That's right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. For God's sake, Ringo Starr married a Bond girl!
Sam: [looks at him strangely] Whatever.

Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.
Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!

[after Marcus outruns Fochet at the airport] Now that's how you s'pose to drive. From now on, that's how you drive!

Mike Lowrey

Why don't we get you out those wet clothes, and into a dry martini.

Barry Badrinath

[flipping frantically through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!

Homer Simpson

Happy wife, happy life!

Mac

Brodie: I took you shopping all the time!
[Banging his hands against the elevator wall]
Rene: You took me where you went shopping, you jerk! You think I care what store in that shitpit dirt mall has the latest godzilla bootlegs? Do you call eating pizza in the same dive pizzeria every night eating out? Do I give a shit what two comic labels are crossing over characters, Selling two editions of the book in varied-ink chromium covers? I'm a girl, damn it! I wanna do girly things!

Evelle: Gale? Um, Junior just had a ... an accident.
Gale: What's that, pardner?
Evelle: He had hisself a little ol' accident.
Gale: What do you mean? He looks okay.
Evelle: No. You see, moving though we are, he just went and had hisself a little ol' rest stop.
Gale: [sniffs the air] Well, that's natural.

You know what this is? A wing, and you are under it. All three of you, right there.

Drillbit Taylor

Your society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.

J.D.

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