Popular Comedy Quotes
Who the hell was eating that turkey ass?Rasputia
Elwood: Baby clothes...
Jake: This place has got everything.
Jimmy: I call top bunk!
Chazz: No, I already did.
Jimmy: No you didn't.
Chazz: Yes I did. In my mind.
Look at this, okay? I want you to remember this face. This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.Trent
American guest: Do you actually know Oscar Wilde?
Gareth: Not personally no. But I do know someone who could get you his fax number. Shall we dance?
Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported.David St. Hubbins
NOBODY steps on a church in my town.Dr. Peter Venkman
Stu Price: [to crying baby beside him in back seat] No, don't cry, it's okay, everything's fine, don't cry...
[screaming to the other guys in the front seat]
Stu Price: What the fuck is going on?
Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.
Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Double bacon cheeseburger. It's for a cop.
Farva: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?
Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good.
Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Don't spit in that cop's burger.
Farva: Yeah, thanks.
Phil Wenneck: The best little chapel... Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Dr. Valsh: Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!
Ace Ventura: This is double-paned sound-proof glass. There is no way that neighbor could've heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh?
[mimics Tangina character from Poltergeist movie]
Ace Ventura: I have exorcised the demons... this house is clear.
Alan Garner: What if Doug's dead? I can't afford to lose somebody close to me again, it hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died.
Phil Wenneck: How'd he die?
Alan Garner: World War II.
Phil Wenneck: Died in battle?
Alan Garner: No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II.