Charlie: Hey Bart, is it me or is the world rising?
Bart: I don't know, but whatever it is, I hate it.

Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Greenie: You gettin' a dog?

I love you, Will, beyond poetry.

Viola De Lesseps

Carlson. I've got something to tell you. I'm not from West Covina. I'm from Internal Affairs.

Miles Logan

She's 17. I'm 42 and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father.

Isaac Davis

Stan: The laws are medieval down here. Do you know what the minimum age for execution is in Alabama?
Bill: What, sixteen?
Stan: Ten!

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Uh, Nate?
Nate: Yes, Mr. Rydell?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: I thought we agreed not to listen to games while in sessions.
Nate: Oh, it's perfectely fine Mr. Rydell. I got it under control. See? Iverson just missed the shot, the Sixers lose. Who cares ... THE ANGER SHARKS ARE SWIMMING MY HEAD. YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT! YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT!

Do I really look like I want to go to fucking Buffalo?

Laurel Pearson

[narrating] Being suspended is like getting a paid vacation. Why do they think it's a punishment? It's like your dog pees on the carpet and you give him a treat. Then you get in trouble for skipping school, it's sooo stupid! Hendricks told me, "One more time" and I'd be expelled. Sounded good to me.

Tammy Metzler

Bianca: You suck!
Kat Stratford: [Mocking Bianca] You suck!

Oh, it's not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning.

John Winger

Moe: Mind your P's and Q's!
Curly: Don't forget to dot the I's!

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