Popular Comedy Quotes
This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to EAT it. You're hypocrites, all of you! You have a problem with what I'm saying, Larry?Phil Connors
Blaine is the stool capital of the world.Glenn Welsch
Erica Barry: I do like sex!
Harry Sanborn: You certainly do.
Alyssa: How bad could it have been?
Holden: Put it this way: have you ever heard a nun call an eight year-old boy a fucking cunt rag?
Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket. I went to court, I got the cop on the stand, and I argued with him until he admitted he was wrong. And the judge, this Judge Malloy. All the while he's laughing and smiling. And then afterwards, he asks me to go to lunch with him. Then he says to me, "you know what? You'd be a good litigator." I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, I don't know what a litigator is. I never thought of becoming a lawyer. But this Judge Malloy, who's from Brooklyn, too? He did it, so all of a sudden, it seemed possible. So I went to law school.Vinny Gambini
Hooper: I need to sell the image to sell the book. I mean, would the audience still buy the whole black rage angle if they found out the book was written by a... you know...
Banky Edwards: Faggot?
Hooper: When you say it, it sounds so sexy.
Raleigh: Do you have an alternate?
Raleigh: Are there priests on call?
Veronica Sawyer: Watch it Heather, you might be digesting food there.
Heather McNamara: Yeah, where's your urge to purge?
Heather Duke: Fuck it.
Sometimes I like to think that the pants got lost on purpose. That this was their final gift to us. Bringing us back together. Back to a place of forgiveness, and love, and in understanding that what we shared was all the magic we could ever need. And as we spent those last few moments of summer, looking out at the blending of sea and sky, I realized it was a color I knew very well. The softly faded, essential blue of a well worn pair of pants. The pants had brought us together again. The rest is in our hands.Carmen Lowell
Dot: Where's that baby? Where's he at?
Glen: [smacks Dot on the ass] Go find him, honey!
Dot: [smacks Glen with her purse] Cut it out, Glen!
H.I.: [quietly] He's asleep right now.
Glen: [rubbing his jaw] Shit! I hope we didn't wake it!
Janey: You never noticed my glasses and my ponytail.
Jake: And don't forget the paint-covered overalls.
Janey: Right... you never noticed those either.
Chon Wang: We are wasting time.
Roy: What do you think I've been doing? Sittin' here and drinking expensive hooch?
Roy: Boy, refill.