Popular Comedy Quotes
Jack Fuller: [standing outside the bathroom door] Can you hurry up?
Joy McNally: [from inside the bathroom, taking her time] Almost done!
[walks into the kitchen to find Jack pissing in their sink]
Jack Fuller: Oh yeah, this is really happening. Oh, and it's your day for dishes.
Judge: You think you can help him?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Yep. And if I can't, I'll tear him apart with my bare hands.
Y'know, I don't get you, Justice. You used to be into all this girl stuff. Stealing, boning, blowing shit up, and now you're like this little priss with a conscience. It's really a fucking drag.Sissy
Elaine Miller: Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and no glass slipper.
Joe: [waves for Curt to come over] Get down! OK now, you got it? I'm staying here, you're on your own.
Curt Henderson: Wait a minute, wait a minute, Joe... wait a minute. What if he hears me?
Joe: Shhh. Listen, listen! Look at it this way. Now, you got three choices. One, you chicken out and in that case I let Ants tie you to the car and drag you around a little bit and you don't want that. Right?
Curt Henderson: No.
Joe: Two, you foul up and Holstein hears you and, well uh... you don't want that, right?
Curt Henderson: No, I don't.
Joe: Three, you are successful and you join the Pharaohs with a car coat and a blood initiation and all that, huh?
[Joe pats Curt on the shoulder and runs back to the car]
Curt Henderson: What? Wait a minute, wait a minute! What blood initiation?
Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!Sugar
I dream of Genie with the light brown hair. Floating like a vapor on the soft summer air. LOOK OUT! Campdown races sing this song doo da doo da...Dr. Pearl
Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.
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Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.
Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic... Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chi
Future Ted: Rufus!
Future Bill: Listen to this dude Rufus. He knows what he's talking about.
Future Ted: Right. Oh, and Ted? Give my love to the princesses?
Future Ted: You'll see.
Richie: Are we still friends?
Richie: Are we?
Eli: Of course. How can you even ask me that?
Richie: Doesn't matter.
Eli: Doesn't matter? It does matter.
Richie: I heard about you and Margot.
Eli: [long pause] I'm sorry.
Uncle Albert: Oh I love you, my wife.
Person at funeral: Sir, that isn't your wife.
Uncle Albert: Who's is it then?
Person at funeral: It is his.
Uncle Albert: Give me five minutes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?