I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

Chip Douglas

You sunk my battleship!

Grim Reaper

You're crazier than a road lizard.

Jedediah

Ned Plimpton: Stevesy, what's going on? Are those hijackers?
Steve Zissou: Well, out here we call them "pirates," Ned.

Rachel Rose: Oh my God! The Iraqi defense minister just committed suicide!
Rabbi Jake Schram: Ooh! Is that bad or good?

Haven't you seen Boyz N The Hood? Now one of us is going to get shot.

Mike

Statler: I always dreamed we'd be back here.
Waldorf: Dreams? Those where nightmares!

Lou: I have a question: Why is it that Chuck here thinks he could smoke?
Chuck: Cause I do whatever I want whenever I want, you little Spanish fruit topping.
Lou: Honey, at least I didn't make my aunt pregnant.

Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

You crapped on my heart.

Foster

You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't of slept with that guy?' We could be that mistake!

Seth

Jock: [at a party] What's up, babes?
Womynist #1: Pack up your rape culture and take a hike!
Jock: [holds up a beer] You want a brew dog?
Womynist #1: We're not interested in your penis!
Womynist #2: Wait, wait, I think he's offering us a beer.

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