Popular Comedy Quotes
You are the greatest player I have ever seen. Besides my self, practicing in front of a mirror... which I do... everyday... in the nude.Karl Wolfschtagg
Fuck the po-lice!Saul
Its the fuzz!!Jim's Dad
It's okay, 99. Big people feel pain, too.Maxwell Smart
Nemo: I'm sorry I couldn't stop the...
Gill: No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I was so ready to get out, so ready to taste that ocean, I was willing to put you in harm's way to get there. Nothing should be worth that.
Danny Butterman: [after supposedly stabbing Sgt. Angel, waving a sachet of tomato ketchup] Da daaa!
Nicholas Angel: Danny, this is murder.
Danny Butterman: It's not murder, it's ketchup.
Nicholas Angel: We have to do something, Frank's appointed himself as Judge, Jury and Executioner.
Danny Butterman: [agitated and defensive] He is not Judge Judy and Executioner
Lillian: You remember my cousin Rita. Rita just bought a new house. It is gorgeous.
Rita: I wouldn't know, I only see the kitchen and the laundry room, and the ceiling in my bedroom.
Rita: [after pause] Sometimes the floor.
I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I thought we were here to talk about petroleum.Tommy Corn
Officer Michaels: [out of breath] He's a freak...
Officer Michaels: He's the fastest kid alive...
Elizabeth Halsey: Sign my yearbook.
Russell Gettis: Hold my ball sack.
Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.
If you see an opposum, kill it. Itâ€™s not a pet.Jackie Moon