Popular Comedy Quotes
Bo Peep: [amorously] You're cute when you care.
Woody: [embarrassed] Bo. Not in front of Buzz.
The only hand on your pecker is going to be your own!Fenwick
Bruce: So you're the janitor, electrician, the boss. Must be one hell of a Christmas party... don't get drunk though, one of you may need a ride home
God: [laughing] You've always had a sense of humor, Bruce, just like your father.
I don't think I am going to say, "What the fuck" anymore.Joel Goodson
Jason Nesmith: What? What was that?
Alexander Dane: Uh, nothing.
Jason Nesmith: I heard some squealing or something.
Gwen DeMarco: Oh, no. Everything's fine.
Teb: But the animal is inside out.
Jason Nesmith: I heard that! It turned inside out?
Teb: And it exploded.
Jason Nesmith: Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then is EXPLODED?
Fritz: Look, honey, Italian food!
Petunia: I WANTED A SLOPPY JOE!
Sherman Schrader: Right, you date Monica Morlan
Hoyt Ambrose: That I do
Sherman Schrader: Right, I think of her while I masturb...
Farva: MacAttack, wanna go punch for punch?
[Mac punches Farva in the stomach]
Farva: Oooh good one, I did not specify. Never shit a shitter.
[Ursula walks by]
Farva: Lady in blue comin' through.
I hurt the flower.Russell Hammond
It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! I smell like hot sick... ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!Fat Bastard
Shrek: So, Fiona's father paid you to do this?
Puss-in-Boots: Oh, the rich king? SÃ.
[during earthquake] FUCK ME!Ben Stone