Popular Comedy Quotes
You're gonna die, clown.Happy Gilmore
I'm not proud of this.Olive Penderghast
Fuck you, donuts are awesome!Kumar Patel
[Ophelia notices Louis watching her undress] By the way, food and rent are not the only things around here that cost money, you sleep on the couch.Ophelia
Party Guest: I finally had an orgasm, and my doctor said it was the wrong kind.
Isaac Davis: You had the wrong kind? I've never had the wrong kind, ever. My worst one was right on the money.
Jack Ryan: 200 Grand is a lot different from a tv set.
Nancy Hayes: Yea... It's way lighter.
Dupree: Everyone's asleep and here's lonely old Dupree wailing away on himself.
Molly Peterson: You weren't wailing away...
Dupree: An animal wouldn't debase himself such!
"This pretentious ponderous collection of religious rock psalms is enough to prompt the question, 'What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't he have rested on that day too?'"Marty DiBergi
Russell Hammond: And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!
William Miller: Russell! I think we should work on those last words!
Russell Hammond: I got it, I got it. Last words ... I dig music.
[silence] I'm on drugs!!
Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.Chas
Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?
Mauricio: The thing is all the women he's been seeing are ugly.
Tony Robbins: Who says they're ugly?
Mauricio: Bausch & Lomb.